Why Would Anyone Want To Be An Umpire?

There must be something strange and almost sinister about the character of a person who wants to be an umpire. If there was a murder during a cricket match and the Scorer had an alibi who do you think the prime suspect would be? Believe me, even the most levelheaded cricketer should fear the flapping of white coats.

The reason for this is obvious. No normal person in his right mind would ever want to become an umpire. They tend to be paid less than football referees and when the hours of work are considered it appears amazing that cricket associations up and down the land aren't being perpetually investigated by minimum wage tribunals. The best umpires can hope for is anonymity and this can only happen in a game with no close decisions. Billy Bowden was criticised by some for failing to notice that Kasprowicz's hand was not in contact with the bat when giving him out at the end of the Edbaston Test. But can you imagine the furore if he'd been given not out? In these situations umpires can't win and who would want to put themselves in that position?

The fact that insanity is a necessary prerequisite to be an umpire has lead to some real characters officiating at the highest level. Billy Bowden and 'Dickie' Bird? Both great umpires and both quite clearly barking mad. It stands to reason that Test cricket will get the best umpires whose idiosyncrasies tend not to interefere with their actual decision making. This is not true at the lower levels, umpires there are just barking mad. Some of the LBW explanations would rival the JFK magic bullet theory.

The solution is to start paying umpires more. Maybe then sensible, rational people will want to do the job.